Josiah’s throat started hurting and has progressively gotten more painful this afternoon. We’ve done tylenol, a lemon/honey/vinegar tea, and sore throat spray. He finally looked at me and said: ‘No one’s even PRAYED about this.’
(Somewhere in WV at a Bob Evans, en route back home to NC)
Josiah: do you know what ‘crush’ means?
Me: yes. Smash.
Josiah: no, the love crush. And ‘hot’ means pretty.
Michael: hey guys, I think your mom’s hot.
Me: yeah, and I have a crush on your dad.
Josiah/Nolan: Shhhh!!!! We’re in public!! People can hear you!!!!!
After reading a very sentimental Christmas story about a child who gave the greatest gift of all to the Christ Child.
Nolan: (Breaking the silence) That story made my throat hurt.
Josiah: Yeah, mine too. Stop reading stories that make our throats hurt.
Zachary: (full out crying) She did the right thing, right Mom?
Zachary: Is this fiss?
Me: Yes, it’s fish. Can you say ‘f-ishhhh’?
Zachary: Ugh! Stop teaching me stuff!
(Nolan comes upstairs dressed for school and armed for battle)
Me: Can you lay down your Nerf guns and wooden sword and eat your cereal?
Nolan: Ok, I just hope no one tries to take over the world while I eat breakfast.
Nolan: Mom, can you please stop leaving little notes in my lunch box?
Me: <guilt inducing pitiful look>
Nolan: It’s just that it takes time away that I should be spending eating. You know, we don’t have a lot of time to eat in the cafeteria.
Me: So it doesn’t have anything to do with you being embarrassed?
Nolan: Well, a little bit. (long pause) Ok, a lot.
Nolan: Can I get a TV in my room? ALL my friends have TVs in their rooms!
Me: I doubt that’s true, honey. I’ll tell you what, when you see a TV in mine and dad’s room, you can have one in yours.
Nolan: I know EXACTLY what I’m getting you for Christmas!
Me: Josiah, tell me about your day.
Josiah: It was the opposite.
Me: What do you mean?
Josiah: Remember how I said I hated that place and I never wanted to go back?
Josiah: It was the opposite of that.
Nolan: It’s called Candy. Crush. Sa-ga. Do you want me to explain it to you?
Nolan: blah blah blah blah then the chocolate is the bad guy blah
Me: WAIT, what?? The chocolate is the bad guy?
Me: In a CANDY game????
Me: That’s stupid.
Nolan: Well it’s…
Me: Listen, chocolate’s NEVER the bad guy. You need to remember that. (Try passing out all smarties to your trick-or-treaters and see what happens.)
Me: Was there anything that surprised you about your first day back to school?
Nolan: Yes. I was surprised that it. was. AWESOME!
Me: Josiah, do you want Nolan or me to walk you to class tomorrow?
Josiah: Neither. I’m never going back there. I’m going to do homeschool.
Josiah: ‘Mom, can you try to not eat all the Swiss cake rolls this time? Remember how you ate all of them last time? Can you try and save us some??’
(Planning our 10-year anniversary trip online. Nolan enters room, peeks over our shoulders, and reads the search line). Nolan: trip for TWO??! WHICH two? You and me, Mom? Dad and me?!?
Nolan: “Was the app that I put on your phone helpful?”
Zachary: “Girls are expensive.”
Josiah: “Chickens have 1 bone.”
Me: “Actually, chickens have a lot of bones.”
Josiah: “No, not the animal. I’m talking about the chicken that you eat!”
Me, “Nolan if we work really hard in our garden and we grow some food, we could have a little produce stand and sell some at the road this summer.” Nolan, “Selling, now that’s the part I’m interested in!”
Josiah: “If I get scared I use my funny powers to make people laugh.”
Zachary: Me, “Zachary you are so precious.” Zachary, “Yeah, people love me.”
(Nolan has a very loose tooth) Me, “what if the tooth fairy and Santa have to come on the same night?” Nolan, “mom, there’s no such thing as the tooth fairy!”
Janice Pierce Spainhour, “I’m not sure how to carve a turkey.” Josiah, “I can show ya!” (immediately grabs the book “how the grinch stole Christmas” and flips to the last page) “see…this is how the Grinch does it!”
Me, “Nolan, I love you to the moon and back.” Nolan, “Well, I love you all the way to Jesus and back.”
Josiah (after studying the manger scene) “Why did they put baby Jesus in a nest?”
Me, “I love you Zachary” Zachary, “I love you bigger mommy!””
Zachary: “Mom, Jesus kills bad guys.” Me: “Actually honey, Jesus says to love bad guys and even pray for them.” Z: “Oh” (long pause with forlorn face) “I better tell Mickey Mouse.””
Josiah: “Mommy can I have a petunia sandwich for lunch?” (Took me a minute to realize that he wanted tuna!)
(After Zachary drank from Josiah’s cup) “Great, now it’s gonna taste like Zachary.”
(Josiah was watching me clean the toilet)…”OH…so THAT’s how the water gets blue…I thought a blue leprechaun sometimes peed in it!”
Nolan: (Being passed the BBQ at the table), “No thanks, dad. I’m not really a Bar-b-que guy.”
Josiah: (Realizing we were having something he didn’t like for dinner), “Oh mom..I just want to go to a different planet.”
Zachary: (While discussing creation.) “God made me mommy, and God made you old!””
Zachary: Me (astonished that his bed was made) “who made your bed?” He responds, “God made my bed!””
“Coats Quotes: Nolan: “I learned some new words on the bus today!”
Josiah: (in the middle of the night…) “I need to bless you.” I respond, “okay..” He proceeded to sneeze. “See…I just keep blessyouing”
Zachary: (While I’m cooking, he grabs a stick of butter unbeknownst to me) He hands me the stick of butter with a disgusted look and says, “Not ice cream””
Nolan: (After several attempts and with a voice of matter-of-factness) “Tying your shoes is just harder than it looks.”
Josiah: (to Zachary) “You’re too little Zachary. When you’re a big-year-old you can do it too.”
“Coats Quotes: Nolan: Me: “Are you done working with dad?” Nolan, “Nope, I’m just on lunch break.”
Josiah: “Those Indiana dogs were licking me. I think they thought I was a lollipop.”
Josiah: “Mom there’s Hardee’s. They make the BEST Bojangles biscuits!”
Josiah: “Mom, I don’t want the birds to be angry. I just want them to be nice.””
“Coats Quotes: Josiah: “Mom, will there be beds in heaven?” Me, “There’ll be rooms, you won’t have to share anymore.” Josiah, “Well, I do want to share, but in heaven I want the top bunk.”
Nolan: After an hour of working in the heat with daddy. (With confidence and determination) “I’ll take 1 ice water and 1 hot fudge sundae.” I told him we have no sundaes. He responds, “Ok then, 2 ice waters.” (worth a shot!)”
Mom! Josiah said STUPID!” Josiah: “No I didn’t! I said stupendous!”
Nolan: “Mom you’re not a princess, you’re just a mom.” (Now I look very sad…Nolan approaches me and puts his arm around me..) “Well, actually you are God’s little princess.””
Nolan: “Josiah, I need to tell you a secret.” Josiah: “Okay, but don’t get too close, there are gooey things in my ear that smell bad.””
When Josiah woke up from nap the other day I was lovin’ on him. Clearly annoyed and wanting to play he said, “Mom can you un-hug me?”
Josiah fell and hit his little cheek and got a bruise. He looked in the mirror the next day and said, “I’m turning blue!”
Nolan: “Mom, can you tell me if this is true. Is the only person who knows everything about Jesus…God?”
Josiah: “So…are mashed potatoes and gravy finger food or fork food?”
“ Nolan: I know you can’t eat them, but how do you live out the fruits of the spirit? ”
Josiah: “Last time I couldn’t fly I fell off the swing, and this time I couldn’t fly I fell off the slide. I still can’t fly.”
Nolan: “Do you know what I wish?” -what- “I wish these Cheerios had a taste.”
Josiah: “Kermometer is a new word. It means there’s a treasure all day.””
Josiah: “I wish I had little muscles, but I don’t. I have big muscles.””
Josiah: “Mommy, do you have a baby in your heart?” I responded “I have lots of babies in my heart!” (I could tell by how big his eyes got that he was really asking if were pregnant….to which I responded an emphatic “NO!”)
Josiah: (Pointing to the printer) “Can I have some paper from the paper mixer machine?”
Nolan: “Well Mommy, when you’re really close to your birthday, you’re already 5.””
Santa: “And what would you like for Santa to bring you this year young man?” Nolan: “recycling bins””
Nolan: “I didn’t hurt him, I just unconfortabled him. ”
Josiah: “I’m going outside.” Me – “Not right now.” Josiah: “Just relax mom, yeah I said relax.”
Upon my mom’s return from 2 weeks in Australia Nolan said, “Jammy I drew you a picture of Australia, so you don’t have leave anymore.””
Nolan: “Josiah, give me some peace. I’m reading the Bible and it’s a very important book.”
Josiah (after telling him we’re going to the park): “Mom, are we taking our car or our legs?””
“Coats Quotes of the Week: Nolan: “I do want to tell people about Jesus, but I don’t want to be his hands and feet.” (kids really don’t get metaphors)
Josiah: (Walking up the stairs) “I wish I could fly, but I can’t fly.
Nolan: “Mommy, why can’t we see Jesus, is he camouflaged?””
“Nolan is learning self defense in jiu jitsu. He was very successful at making his “attacker” put him down. He explained to us that if someone ever took him, “I would punch them in the face and put them in a cage with wild hyenas and the wild hyenas would eat them.” Josiah…ever my peacemaker…said, “If someone took me, I would just stay at their house.”
The other night my mom said she had to attend a board meeting at the YMCA, to which Nolan responded, “Why are you going to a board meeting? Will it be boring?”
On the way to the beach it was chilly. Nolan said, “I’m , I’m, ….what’s it called when your teeth move all by themselves?” me: “shivering?” Nolan, “yes, I’m shivering!””
“Nolan is watching Scooby Doo for the first time. He is sitting on the couch, barely peeking his eyes over the blanket and kicking his feet rapidly in place (apparently in an attempt to propel Scooby and the gang out of a sticky situation). Perhaps he’s still a little young….”
Today Josiah and I were coming home and we saw a train. He said “mommy does that train have a coal car?” I said “probably”. He watched every car of that train and when it had passed said, “Mommy it didn’t have a coal car, it must be a diesel”.
Nolan: Mommy, when we go to Indiana in July, we should take an airplane so we won’t waste gas in our van.
“While walking to the park the other day, I was holding Zachary. Josiah said, “that is anointed.” I said, “What is?” He replied, “you won’t hold me.” I said “do you mean annoying?” He replied, “yeah, it’s annoying that you can’t hold me.””
“Josiah is asserting his independence. When he fell down today, Nolan asked if he was okay. Through tears he said, “NO! I want to ask myself if I’m okay all by myself.” I told him to go ahead. He said “Am I okay?” then responded “Yes I am.””
“Nolan found his Adam’s Apple today…..he thought it was an actual frog.”
Today I am thankful for the gift of salvation. I just witnessed my baby Josiah ask Jesus into his heart. He said, “I need Jesus in my life” and Michael and I prayed with him. NO greater joy.
“Tonight at dinner Josiah put his finger in his ear. After a minute or so he got a confused look on his face and said, “what is in my ear?” I replied, “your finger.” He said “oh” and promptly removed his finger.”
“While watching football Josiah observed, “They’re not sharing with the football.” To which Nolan responded, “yeah, that’s how you play football.””
“so Josiah and Nolan are learning to call each other names….it has begun. However they’ve not really got the hang of it. Nolan called Josiah a “doost with a peanut on your head” and Josiah called a Nolan a “jealous TV”.”
“so I’m standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes when I get bitten by my child. After a harsh reprimand, Josiah is crying and looks up at me with tears streaming down his face and says, “but Mom, I’m alligator”. How can I argue with that?”